Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

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I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

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Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

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When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

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I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

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I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

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Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

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I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

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You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

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Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

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I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.