Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

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A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

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After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

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Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

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“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

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Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

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According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

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If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

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I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

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Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

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The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”