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I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

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If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

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Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

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Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Someone from has bookmarked:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

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The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

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Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Someone from has copied:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.