Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Just landed via WeChat:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Seen just now on Messenger:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Making waves on Instagram:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Live now on Messenger:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Just shared via Slack:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Trending via Slack:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Monday morning be like… Here's Jack! 👀🚪😱 Who knew the real horror movie was starting the work week? #MondayStruggles"

breaking, comedy, comparison, door, film, film reference, horror, humor, jack, Jack Nicholson, looks, Monday, morning, nicholson, reference, shining, The Shining

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

0

2 months ago

clutter, health, humor, humor therapy, joke, mental, mental clutter, mental health, need, relaxation, relief, satire, stress, stress relief, therapy, thoughts, unwanted, vacuum
I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

0

2 months ago

co-worker, coworkers, hire, humor, i, personality, safely, sarcasm, say, think, workplace
We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

0

2 months ago

able, arms, convenience, funny idea, humor, idea, should, sleep, take, technology
A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

0

5 months ago

authentication, frustration, humor, me, poorly, request, security, stress, technology, thing, timing, two-factor, two-factor authentication
If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

0

2 months ago

communication, date, expectations, held, humor, i, men, only, pick, plans, power, relationships, reservation, reservations, uncertainty, whatever
Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

0

2 months ago

act, apology, awkwardness, backfire, day, hard, humor, i, mishap, normal, self-awareness, social, social mishap, sorry, trying, trying to act normal, weird

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

10 shares on X this month:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Live now on Twitch:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Making waves on Pinterest:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Spotted on Threads:

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Just shared via Telegram:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨