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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,374

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Just shared via Reddit:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Just shared via Reddit:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Making waves on Slack:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I would like even faster food.

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

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My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.
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Commentary:
"Keeping it cool under pressure: the art of 'I don't give a ship' 🚢😎 Who knew indifference could be so Zen?"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on X this month:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

73 shares on Slack this month:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

86 shares on Slack this month:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,551

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

Going bananas on YouTube:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Just shared via Slack:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Shared recently on Threads:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

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