Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,516

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Making waves on Discord:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Making waves on Threads:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Just shared via Messenger:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Trending via Slack:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Spotted on WeChat:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

1 month ago

Funny quote about staying calm under pressure by pretending not to care.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Keeping it cool under pressure: the art of 'I don't give a ship' 🚢😎 Who knew indifference could be so Zen?"

attitude, boss, calm, give, humor, i, laziness, likes, pressure, sarcasm, shit, tell, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Threads this month:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

26 shares on Slack this month:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

If Britain is going to be invaded, can it at least be by the Romans? We desperately need the roads resurfacing.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

59 shares on Slack this month:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

83 shares on Instagram this month:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Just shared via Reddit:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Live now on Reddit:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Live now on YouTube:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Seen just now on Facebook:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Just landed via TikTok:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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