Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Dec 23, 2025

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Trending via Messenger:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Live now on Slack:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Just shared via Slack:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Live now on Snapchat:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Going viral on Facebook:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Making waves on Discord:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

2 months ago

0

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your doctor is speaking in code – with a side of humor! 🌮🍟 Who can resist the siren call of Taco Bell over the golden arches? You're on your way to a healthier diet, one crunchy taco at a time! 🌮🤣 #TacoTuesdayGoals

bell, diet, doctor, eat, eating, fast, fast food, food, health, humor, i, joke, know, less, McDonald’s, me, meant, pretty, sure, taco, Taco Bell, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

0

5 months ago

attention, aura, aura farming, behavior, checking, distraction, farming, front, funny situation, listening, music, old, old person, people, person, phone, public, public behavior, situation, social, social behavior
Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

0

2 months ago

7am, awareness, humor, i, kids, parenting, Saturday
How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

0

1 month ago

attitude, communication, humor, message, okay, rude, sarcasm, text, texting
Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

0

2 months ago

everyone, humor, introvert, me, saw, shooting, shooting star, solitude, star, stop, stop talking, talking, wish
If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

0

2 months ago

advice, birthday, forget, forgetting, humor, just, marriage, never, relationship, sure, want, wife
Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

0

2 months ago

automation, car, cars, fear, flush, humor, me, reservations, self-driving, self-driving car, technology, toilet, toilets

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Threads this month:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

43 shares on Discord this month:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

55 shares on X this month:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a long hot meteor shower.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

4,074

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Going viral on Threads:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Just landed via WeChat:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Making waves on WeChat:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Just shared via Facebook:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Breaking via Facebook:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Going viral on Twitch:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

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