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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

About to form my very first opinion.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,366

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Just landed via TikTok:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Spotted on Telegram:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Trending via X:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

2 months ago

0

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it looks like they take "fighting for justice" quite literally in that court! 🥋💼 Hope they don't confuse the legal briefs with ninja strikes! Just imagine a dramatic courtroom scene: "Objection, Your Honor! *nunchucks move.*" 😂 #LegalNinja

accident, briefcase, dropped, humor, lawyer, legal, legal profession, nunchuk, profession, surprise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

0

2 months ago

drink, everyday, everyday life, forgetfulness, full, glass, half, humor, humor quote, i, irony, kind, life, person, perspective, put, self-deprecating
Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

0

2 months ago

activity, big, Big Text, communication, drinking, drunk, getting, humor, invention, send, social, social activity, text, texts
It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

0

2 months ago

again, back, frustration, headache, health, here, humor, humor about health, i, illegal, nap, rest, should, shut, sleep, still, take, technology, wake, waking, waking up, why
It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

0

2 months ago

communication, friend, good, good friend, honesty, relationship, truth, understanding, want
Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

0

2 months ago

bag, Bob, convenience, discover, end, food, hungry, new, open, opening, resealable, snack, surprise, tortillas
We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

0

2 months ago

behavior, differences, fun, humor, just, naughty, others, personality

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on X this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

62 shares on X this month:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

25 shares on WeChat this month:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

22 shares on Slack this month:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

90 shares on TikTok this month:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

88 shares on Instagram this month:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

60 shares on Threads this month:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,533

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Spotted on YouTube:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Just shared via WeChat:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Trending via Pinterest:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Spotted on Twitch:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Making waves on X:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Breaking via X:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Making waves on Slack:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

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