My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

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Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

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At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

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Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

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I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

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Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

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When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

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Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

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The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

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Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

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Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.