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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

Breaking via Threads:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Going viral on Messenger:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Just landed via TikTok:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Going viral on Discord:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

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My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between ambition and the siren call of Netflix 😆🎉 Here's to a year of well-intentioned procrastination and perfectly timed productivity! Just remember, tomorrow is always a day away… #NewYearsResolution #ProcrastinationStation"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Messenger this month:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

61 shares on TikTok this month:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

53 shares on Threads this month:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

50 shades of single.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Breaking via Telegram:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Trending via Discord:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Freshly posted on X:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Making waves on Facebook:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Trending via Reddit:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Just shared via Facebook:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

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