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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

20 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Making waves on Messenger:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Just shared via Reddit:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Shared recently on Messenger:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Spotted on Instagram:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

6 months ago

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, sounds like a rare sighting in the wild – a wife admitting a mistake! 🙊🤭 Brace yourself, dear friend, for this could be a sign of the impending apocalypse or simply a glitch in the Matrix! Time to grab some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon unfold! 🍿✨ Remember, it's the small victories that make life interesting!

admission, future, help, humor, i, just, me, mean, mistake, panic, question, relationship, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

20 minutes ago

3,457

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Reported on Telegram:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Going viral on Messenger:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Making waves on WeChat:

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Breaking via Facebook:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Shared recently on Threads:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

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