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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Just shared via Instagram:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Going viral on YouTube:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Spotted on Instagram:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Shared recently on Threads:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Making waves on Slack:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Just landed via WeChat:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
🌙 "No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it's bed time." 😂 Seems like you've mastered the element of surprise as a parent! Your kids probably think you've unlocked a secret bedtime-extended cheat code! 🛌 #ParentingSurprises #BedtimeShenanigans

bed, bed time, every, family, humor, i, kids, night, night routine, parenting, routine, say, sleep, surprise, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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37 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve had enough. I’m ready to spend an eternity in the arms of my lover.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

We’ve got a shituation here.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

85 shares on X this month:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Trending via Pinterest:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because “it’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Just shared via Telegram:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Live now on Reddit:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Breaking via Facebook:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Trending via Telegram:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Spotted on Threads:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

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