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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,987

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Trending via Snapchat:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Shared recently on Twitch:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Breaking via Discord:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Making waves on Pinterest:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

2 months ago

0

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🌙 "No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it's bed time." 😂 Seems like you've mastered the element of surprise as a parent! Your kids probably think you've unlocked a secret bedtime-extended cheat code! 🛌 #ParentingSurprises #BedtimeShenanigans

bed, bed time, every, family, humor, i, kids, night, night routine, parenting, routine, say, sleep, surprise, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

0

2 months ago

excuse, fantasy, gap, help, Hobbits, humor, interview, job, job interview, lie, Mordor, resume, ring, something, take, tell
Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

0

5 months ago

academics, failure, falling, heartbreak, humor, life, school, student, student life, worse
It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

0

2 months ago

birth, born, death, die, everything, humor, irony, life, mistakes, wrong
I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

0

2 months ago

90s, culture, debt, finance, humor, late, late 90s, nostalgia, pop, pop culture, ringtone, still, technology, trying
After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

0

3 weeks ago

advice, after, amount, back, book, books, bookshelf, cut, decision, hearing, humor, i, listen, listening, people, reading, too
Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

0

2 months ago

buy, every, experience, hope, humor, i, irony, optimism, over, shopping, time, triumph, vegetable

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Instagram this month:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

48 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

22 shares on Discord this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,903

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Just landed via X:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Shared recently on TikTok:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Making waves on X:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Just shared via Threads:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

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