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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has copied:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has shared:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has shared:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, β€˜Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has bookmarked:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has shared:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has copied:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,933

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on TikTok:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Seen just now on Discord:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Trending via Threads:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Trending via Messenger:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Making waves on X:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

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Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.
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Commentary:
Surprise! My eyes are wide open and ready to roll… or maybe just roll back into bed πŸ˜‚πŸ‘€πŸŽ

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽπŸŽ…πŸŽ„ Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

How do I even know this guy is my β€œboss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

98 shares on Threads this month:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Half princess, half menace.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,819

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has downloaded:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has copied:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has shared:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has shared:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has shared:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has shared:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on WeChat:

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Π†f you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Making waves on Discord:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Going viral on Slack:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Just landed via Messenger:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Going viral on Instagram:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

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