Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again. Posted onMay 29, 2026
That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January. Posted onMay 29, 2026
“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing. Posted onMay 29, 2026
No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type. Posted onMay 29, 2026
They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline? Posted onMay 28, 2026
The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office. Posted onMay 28, 2026
McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice. Posted onMay 28, 2026
There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever. Posted onMay 28, 2026
People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores. Posted onMay 28, 2026