Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies. Posted onMay 25, 2026
The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62. Posted onMay 25, 2026
About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice. Posted onMay 25, 2026
What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded? Posted onMay 25, 2026
To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news. Posted onMay 25, 2026
After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship. Posted onMay 25, 2026
My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!” Posted onMay 25, 2026
Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret? Posted onMay 25, 2026
The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it. Posted onMay 25, 2026