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Commentary:
"Late to my own funeral? Please, I'd probably stop for coffee on the way! ☕️😂 Who needs to show up to a party they can't enjoy? 🎉💀 #FashionablyLateForever"

always, bad, bad thing, depressing, even, funeral, humor, i, ID, late, lucky, me, own, people, shit, show, show up, tell, thing

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84 shares on Twitch this month:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

98 shares on Discord this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

20 shares on X this month:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Being a little freak is my love language.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Making waves on Slack:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Just landed via Pinterest:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Shared recently on WeChat:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Shared recently on Discord:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

I remember sex. That was cool.

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

If Britain is going to be invaded, can it at least be by the Romans? We desperately need the roads resurfacing.

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

I remember sex. That was cool.

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

If Britain is going to be invaded, can it at least be by the Romans? We desperately need the roads resurfacing.

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨