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Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

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Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

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Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

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Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

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The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

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The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

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I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

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I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

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So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

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Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.