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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Just shared via WeChat:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Live now on X:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Going viral on Facebook:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Trending via X:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Ah, the classic relationship dynamics at play! 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️ It's like a never-ending game of "he said, she said" with a sprinkle of selective memory thrown in for good measure. Remember, communication is key, folks! 🗝️💬 Or else you’ll end up in that infamous “You never told me!” territory. 😄 #RelationshipRealities

communication, humor, listen, man, memory, never, relationship, remember, rule, something, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

70 shares on Threads this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

97 shares on Slack this month:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

61 shares on Threads this month:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,571

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Going viral on Messenger:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Breaking via Slack:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Spotted on Reddit:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Making waves on Twitch:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Going viral on X:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

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