Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

51 shares on Threads this month:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

61 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.