Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

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Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

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I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

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Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

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The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

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When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

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The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

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Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

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Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

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Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

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I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.