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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Jan 12, 2026

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Going viral on Facebook:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Seen just now on Discord:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Just landed via Threads:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Shared recently on Threads:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Going viral on Telegram:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

2 months ago

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like you've got a keen eye for humor! 👁️😄 Who needs a vision test when all you really need is to see the eye doctor, right? 🤓👀 Here's to the other 10% of the test…may it be as clear as your eyesight after a check-up! 😉🔍"

90, doctor, eye, eye doctor, eyesight, health, humor, joke, right, test, vision, vision test

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

2 months ago

bad, bad example, example, expense, humor, humor at expense of self, i, self, self-deprecating, used, usefulness, useless
At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

2 months ago

clown, fear, humor, i, invitation, invited, just, me, point, trust, woods
If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

2 months ago

assistance, even, failure, frustration, help, humor, just, let, me, position, problem, sarcasm, worse, worse position
Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

3 months ago

caffeine, coffee, dinosaur, dinosaurs, extinction, humor, irony, prehistoric
Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

2 months ago

feel, motivation, plane, plane ticket, quitting, remember, reminder, ticket, tickets, times, tired, tiring, travel, work
Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

2 months ago

aliens, Apollo, apology, calling, humor, Nasa, satellite, say, science, sorry, space

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

48 shares on Slack this month:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

19 shares on Discord this month:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

96 shares on Reddit this month:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

45 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,331

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Live now on TikTok:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Breaking via Messenger:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Just landed via Discord:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Just landed via Slack:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Trending via Facebook:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

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