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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,574

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Trending via TikTok:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Making waves on Twitch:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Just shared via Discord:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Shared recently on Discord:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

3 weeks ago

Humorous quote about eye exams, highlighting humor in vision tests and eye doctor visits.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like you've got a keen eye for humor! 👁️😄 Who needs a vision test when all you really need is to see the eye doctor, right? 🤓👀 Here's to the other 10% of the test…may it be as clear as your eyesight after a check-up! 😉🔍"

90, doctor, eye, eye doctor, eyesight, health, humor, joke, right, test, vision, vision test

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Instagram this month:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

19 shares on Facebook this month:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

10 shares on X this month:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,361

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Breaking via Reddit:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Seen just now on Discord:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Just shared via TikTok:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Spotted on Instagram:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

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