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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Broadcasted on X:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Seen just now on Reddit:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Just shared via Reddit:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Shared recently on Slack:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Seen just now on Discord:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Trending via Facebook:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Trending via Instagram:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

6 months ago

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Introducing… 'Peter Pedestrian'! 🚶‍♂️🇬🇧 Watch as our hero tackles the daily challenge of walking through picturesque cobblestone streets and dodging mischievous sheep instead of swinging through skyscrapers. Villains, beware – this friendly neighborhood walker is always one step ahead… quite literally!"

countryside, england, everywhere, humor, just, rural, rural England, setting, Spider-Man, superhero, transportation, walk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Making waves on X:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Making waves on Reddit:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Just shared via WeChat:

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

Spotted on Telegram:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Spotted on Slack:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

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