Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who said optimism had to be hard work? 😂💭 Embrace the joy of knowing that your cozy bed awaits you in just 17 short hours! Sweet dreams, dreamer! 💤✨"

back, bed, day, day start, hours, humor, i, just, morning, morning routine, motivation, positive, positive thought, procrastination, routine, short, sleep, start, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

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3 months ago

affection, animal, animal behavior, apology, behavior, excited, excitement, greeting, humor, i, running, sorry
I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

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2 months ago

compensation, deserve, ever, humor, i, me, pay, percentage, stole, swag, theft
Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

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2 months ago

am, beset, excuse, foe, funny statement, humor, i, night, sides, sorry, statement, tonight
Like most people my age, I’m 50.

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2 months ago

50, age, humor, joke, middle, middle age, most, people
Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

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2 months ago

agreement, commitment, confusion, expectation, good, humor, lot, me, meeting, realization, response, saying, sounds, workplace
When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

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2 months ago

activity, blood, blood pressure, family, group, group activity, health, humor, involvement, machine, person, pressure, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Discord this month:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Making waves on Instagram:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Trending via Slack:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Going bananas on Discord:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Making waves on Twitch:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨