Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

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Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

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The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

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I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

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You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

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I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

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My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

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There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

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I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

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I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

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My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.