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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

49 minutes ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Live now on Messenger:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Seen just now on Slack:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Trending via Pinterest:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Spotted on Facebook:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Just landed via X:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Trending via Slack:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Just landed via Messenger:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Jan 22, 2025

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic reverse psychology at play! 🙈 It's like giving a kid a challenge they just can't resist. Don't touch that, they said. But now it's like a neon sign saying "Touch Me!" Kids are sneaky little rebels, aren't they? 😂 #CuriosityWins

advice, behavior, child, curiosity, going, parenting, rules, something, temptation, touch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

49 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Just shared via Instagram:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Making waves on X:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Going viral on Instagram:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Going viral on Snapchat:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Trending via WeChat:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Going viral on Instagram:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Just shared via Discord:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

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