Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.