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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Shared recently on Messenger:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Just shared via TikTok:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Just shared via Slack:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Just shared via Twitch:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.
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Commentary:
Flying off the handle may be cheap, but the frequent flyer miles you'll accrue on that emotional roller coaster will cost you your peace of mind 😅🎢🚀 #KeepCalmAndStayGrounded

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Spotted on WeChat:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Just shared via Telegram:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Just landed via X:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Just shared via Instagram:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Spotted on YouTube:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

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