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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,633

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Just landed via Facebook:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Making waves on TikTok:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Making waves on Messenger:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Going bananas on Instagram:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Just shared via Slack:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

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The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.
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Commentary:
Ah, yes, the audacity of embracing calm in a chaotic world – the ultimate act of defiance! 🌟✨ Who knew that lounging on the couch could be such a radical statement? 😄💆‍♂️ Just imagine the sheer disruption caused by someone peacefully sipping their tea without a care in the world! 🍵🌎💥 So go ahead, rebel against the hustle and bustle by chilling out with gusto! 🕶️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Threads this month:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

69 shares on Threads this month:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Going viral on Twitch:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Just landed via Twitch:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Just landed via Twitch:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

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