Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.
  • My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.
  • Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.
  • Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.
  • Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?
  • It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.