Trendy Funny Quotes

  • At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.
  • Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.
  • I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?
  • My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.
  • We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.
  • Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.