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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Breaking via Discord:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

Just landed via Twitch:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

3 months ago

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the sweet siren call of the cozy bed, beckoning you back from the woes of the day like a restful oasis in a desert of responsibilities. 🛌💤 Who needs adventures when you have the soft embrace of your bed waiting for you at the end of the day? #BedIsBae"

bed, comfort, day, i, laziness, miss, relaxation, sleep, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

2 months ago

after, drive, home, house, humor, i, late, quick, rush, work
You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

3 months ago

anxiety, door, humor, i, introvert, knock, murder, reaction, someone, surprise, think, wanted
I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

2 months ago

accent, am, British, British accent, cold, culture, family, fascination, health, humor, much, rid, royal, royal family, speaking, stereotypes, tea, trying
“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

2 months ago

annoyance, cyber, digital, error, frustration, mad, me, new, old, online, password, programming, security, technology
Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

2 months ago

comedy, enough, exaggeration, food, food joke, humor, i, joke, kitchen, kitchen humor, machine, need, pasta, playful, silly, stretching, through
If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

3 months ago

close, comedy, door, haunted, house, humor, open

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

61 shares on Discord this month:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

92 shares on X this month:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I should’ve existed as a tree.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,506

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Live now on TikTok:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Just landed via Reddit:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Trending via YouTube:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Just shared via Messenger:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

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