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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has copied:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has copied:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has copied:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has shared:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has viewed:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has shared:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,257

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Just shared via TikTok:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Making waves on Discord:

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

Going bananas on Slack:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Trending via Pinterest:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Breaking via X:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Just landed via WeChat:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

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The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.
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Commentary:
Looks like Jesus had a real last supper letdown! πŸ˜‚ Maybe the missing disciples got caught up with some unexpected traffic on the way to the table. πŸš— At least the leftovers probably lasted for days! 🍞🍷 #DinnerDilemma

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

No LinkedIn, I am not β€œopen to work,” I am required to work.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

37 shares on TikTok this month:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

30 shares on Threads this month:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,299

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has viewed:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has shared:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has copied:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has bookmarked:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡· has viewed:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via YouTube:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Trending via WeChat:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Breaking via Messenger:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Just shared via Discord:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Just landed via Discord:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Going viral on Instagram:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Spotted on Discord:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

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