The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

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Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

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I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

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Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

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At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

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The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

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Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

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When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

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Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

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I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

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My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.