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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Going viral on Instagram:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Making waves on Reddit:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Breaking via Facebook:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

In banana years, I am bread.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

2 months ago

0

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the beauty of embracing your uniqueness and oddities! 🦄✨ It's time to ditch the norm and let your quirky flag fly high. After all, who wants to be even when you can be delightfully odd? Embrace the oddness in you and watch the magic unfold in the second half of your life! 🌟 #EmbraceYourOddity

age, change, even, growth, humor, life, maturity, odd, perspective, second, start, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

0

2 months ago

bro, confidence, culture, doubt, humor, irony, never, stereotype, tech, tech bro, tech culture, wrong
Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

0

4 months ago

again, China, Chinese, Chinese food, culture, eating, food, girlfriend, got, humor, i, joke, relationship, repetition, sense, think, time, today, yesterday
Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

0

2 months ago

aspiration, career, humor, irony, job, life, me, pursue, why
Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

0

2 months ago

actually, arrogance, donkey, high, high horse, horse, horses, humility, humor, humor quote, sarcasm, satire
A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

0

2 months ago

advice, bees, better, explaining, fly, honey, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, man, metaphor, once, patience, said, shit, time, waste, wisdom, wise
Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

0

3 months ago

actually, cannibal, capture, feeding, food, getting, humor, irony, joke, me, survival, terrifying, thought, unexpected, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,346

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I love having plans to cancel.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Live now on Threads:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Breaking via Slack:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Making waves on Threads:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Spotted on YouTube:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Going viral on Instagram:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

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