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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,509

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Going viral on Twitch:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Just shared via Threads:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Going viral on Reddit:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Seen just now on Discord:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

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The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.
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Commentary:
Ah, yes, because what's more oppressive than a word that even autocorrect struggles with? 🤓💼 But hey, at least we can all take solace in the fact that we're not alone in our linguistic struggles… solidarity, fellow spelling warriors! ✊🏼🔤

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Discord this month:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

81 shares on Messenger this month:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

25 shares on X this month:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

32 shares on Threads this month:

You wish you had this many chins.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,431

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Just shared via Twitch:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Making waves on YouTube:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

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