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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

Just shared via WhatsApp:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Making waves on YouTube:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Breaking via Threads:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Shared recently on X:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about social media quirks, highlighting the humorous risks of online following.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the thrilling realm of the web: a place where we willingly invite strangers into our digital lives… What could possibly go wrong? 🙈 Just remember, not all followers are created equal – choose wisely! 😂🌐 #StrangerDanger"

follow, humor, irony, media, online, online safety, place, safety, social, social media, strangers, technology, web, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Threads this month:

How is it still this week?

10 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

51 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

49 shares on X this month:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

69 shares on X this month:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,746

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Making waves on Reddit:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Trending via Threads:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Spotted on Telegram:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

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