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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Making waves on TikTok:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Just shared via Messenger:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Just shared via X:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Seen just now on Threads:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Making waves on Facebook:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

Live now on X:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The book characters may be fictional, but my emotional instability over them is real.

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

1 week ago

Witty quote about the hilarious dilemma of delaying bedtime and missed naps.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle between wanting a nap and not wanting to mess up your bedtime routine! 😴⏰ It's like being in the time zone of indecision! ⏳😂 Just remember, there's always Netflix to help bridge that gap! 📺🌙 #TheStruggleIsReal

bed, bedtime, early, exhaustion, humor, late, nap, sleep, take, timing, too, worst

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please hesitate to reach out.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m ready to try another planet.

72 shares on Threads this month:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,272

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

Just landed via Facebook:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Shared recently on X:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Just shared via Messenger:

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

Spotted on Twitch:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Going bananas on Messenger:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

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