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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from has shared:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Someone from has viewed:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Someone from has viewed:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Someone from has shared:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from has downloaded:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from has bookmarked:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Someone from has copied:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from has copied:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from has downloaded:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,225

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

Updated

13 hours ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Live now on YouTube:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Jan 26, 2025

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the noble duck hunter – masters of disguise and patience! 💸🦆 Who knew ducks were such worthy adversaries in battle of wits and wallets? Respect to those who go to the extreme for their feathered foes! 🚤😄"

boat, camouflage, duck, duck hunter, humor, hunter, hunting, i, money, outsmart, respect, spent

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from has bookmarked:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from has viewed:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Someone from has viewed:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Someone from has viewed:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Someone from has shared:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Someone from has copied:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Someone from has shared:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from has copied:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

Reported on Facebook:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Just shared via X:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Making waves on WeChat:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Making waves on Discord:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Spotted on Telegram:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end and tomorrow to start.

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Activity Log ✨

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

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