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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Going viral on Slack:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Making waves on Slack:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Breaking via Twitch:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Going viral on X:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

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There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet bliss of freedom from the dreaded alarm clock ⏰! It's like a mini celebration for your tired soul 🎉. No more snooze button battles or waking up in a panic – just pure, uninterrupted sleep! So go ahead, savor the moment and sleep in like a champion 😴💪!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Slack this month:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

20 shares on Threads this month:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Absurdity is the spice of life.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,234

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Body by sandwich.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Trending via TikTok:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Broadcasted on Threads:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Going viral on Twitch:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Making waves on Threads:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Seen just now on Slack:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Live now on Snapchat:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Trending via YouTube:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

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