29 funny clock quotes - Wordgag

Time machine? You mean a clock?

May 25, 2026

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

May 23, 2026

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

May 23, 2026

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

May 23, 2026

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

May 23, 2026

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

May 23, 2026

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

May 22, 2026

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

May 22, 2026

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

May 22, 2026

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

May 21, 2026

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

May 21, 2026

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

May 21, 2026

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

May 21, 2026May 21, 2026

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

May 21, 2026

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

May 21, 2026

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

May 20, 2026

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

May 20, 2026

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

May 19, 2026

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

May 19, 2026

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

May 19, 2026

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

May 18, 2026

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

May 18, 2026

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

May 18, 2026

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Apr 1, 2026

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Apr 1, 2026

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Apr 1, 2026

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Mar 31, 2026

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Mar 31, 2026

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Mar 30, 2026