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Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

In banana years, I am bread.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Shared recently on Telegram:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about feeling closely watched, comparing monitoring to Britney Spears' intense scrutiny.

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Commentary:
Sounds like you need a pop star's permission to get a coffee break 😂☕👀

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82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever said having a crush is when you feel the most like Carrie Bradshaw was so real for that.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

60 shares on Telegram this month:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

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Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

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Broadcasted on Reddit:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Trending via Reddit:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Spotted on WeChat:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Making waves on X:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Live now on Discord:

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

Seen just now on TikTok:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

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They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

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They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

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