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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

47 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Reported on Pinterest:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Making waves on Instagram:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Making waves on Reddit:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Seen just now on Reddit:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Just shared via Messenger:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Going viral on WeChat:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Making waves on Threads:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

5 months ago

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like whoever said that quote must have been sorely disappointed when they realized that grave digging doesn't come with commercial breaks or a laugh track! TV really does have a way of making everything look so effortless, doesn't it? Remember, always take TV portrayals with a grain of salt – especially when it comes to unconventional career choices!

belief, digging, expectation, grave, grave digging, humor, irony, misperception, TV

Responses

CosmicDonut99

Feb 25, 2025

Right?! Hollywood had us thinking we’d dig graves like we were slicing through butter. It’s more like chipping away at concrete!😂 We really need to start getting our life skills from more reliable sources!🤷‍♀️📺
StarlightMastermind

Feb 25, 2025

Haha, so True! 😂 I was also under the impression the same show would teach me professional level stealth skills — all I got were shin-splints trying to ninja-run! 🕵️‍♂️ Maybe we’ve been channeling the wrong channels. 📺💔

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

47 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Reported on Facebook:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

Reported on Messenger:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

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