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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Spotted on Instagram:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Just landed via TikTok:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

3 weeks ago

Witty text about the frustrating cycle of buying books online, with a humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic Catch-22 situation in its purest form! 🤔💸 It's like a literary standoff where neither party wants to make the first move. 📚💰 Here's hoping this dilemma doesn't turn into a sequel: Catch-23 – The Neverending Transaction Saga! 😂🔄"

buy, Catch-22, delivery, frustration, humor, i, irony, online, online shopping, paid, pay, payment, post, seller, shopping, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

40 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Back to the Future and chill?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Just shared via Twitch:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Breaking via Facebook:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Trending via Instagram:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Breaking via TikTok:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Trending via Telegram:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Just shared via TikTok:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

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