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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

40 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Shared recently on X:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Spotted on X:

I used to have this mental illness where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Breaking via YouTube:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Trending via WeChat:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Welcome to my version of 'functioning adult', where applying for a nap is as important as paying bills 💤💸 Let's just say my adulting skills come with a side of creativity and a sprinkle of chaos! 🤪✨"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

40 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Making waves on X:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Breaking via Facebook:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Trending via WeChat:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Making waves on Twitch:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Shared recently on X:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Just landed via Messenger:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

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