We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

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Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

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Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

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Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

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We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

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If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

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Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

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You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

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I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

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You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

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My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.