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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

34 minutes ago

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Live now on Pinterest:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Trending via YouTube:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Freshly posted on X:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Spotted on Messenger:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Just landed via X:

Meow means woof in cat.

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

6 months ago

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

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Commentary:
Ah, the joy of experiencing the unexpected sinus cleanse brought on by uncontrollable laughter! 🥂😂 Just imagine the stories you'd have to tell at parties after a comical beverage mishap like that. Who needs a boring, nose-drip-free life when you can have memorable moments like these instead? 😉👃

bleak, bleak life, drink, experience, funny experience, humor, joy, laugh, laughter, life, mishap, never, nose, shoot

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

34 minutes ago

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Slack:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Shared recently on Reddit:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Reported on Pinterest:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Trending via Pinterest:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Live now on TikTok:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Shared recently on X:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

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