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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2059 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,221

Funny Quotes Topics

14,968

Funny Quotes Images

12,221

4 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Broadcasted on X:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Making waves on Messenger:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Trending via YouTube:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Live now on Slack:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Trending via Twitch:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Going viral on Threads:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

6 months ago

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

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Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma of trying to decode the mysterious code of ‘what she really wants’ 🤔! Maybe this year, you can dazzle her with a gift so unexpected, it’ll have her questioning whether you’ve been living in an alternate dimension all this time 🚀💫! Who needs the conventional when you’ve got a gift that screams, ‘I meant well, I really did’ 😉💝?"

buy, clueless, day, gift, humor, i, idea, likes, love, misunderstanding, once, relationship, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2059 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,221

Funny Quotes Topics

14,968

Funny Quotes Images

12,221

4 minutes ago

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Reported on Slack:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Reported on Instagram:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Spotted on Threads:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Shared recently on Slack:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Trending via Reddit:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Trending via Reddit:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

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