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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,026

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Shared recently on Discord:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Live now on Slack:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Trending via Reddit:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Just shared via Slack:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

2 months ago

0

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the riveting saga of electric cars and diarrhea—one zips you along silently, the other accelerates your trip to the bathroom! 🚗💨💩 Just remember, when nature calls, you better hope your battery is fully charged! ⚡😬 #ChargeUpBeforeYouDropOff

anxiety, car, cars, common, diarrhea, electric, electric car, fear, home, humor, joke, making, transportation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

0

2 months ago

awareness, health, humor, i, know, mad, madness, mental, mental health, myself, self, self-awareness, self-talk, start, talk, talking, talking to myself
Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, having, humor, life, matters, none, ok, pee, perspective, priorities, things, urgency
One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

0

2 months ago

being, cars, direction, driving, experience, feature, going, humor, level-up, pedestrian, road, road safety, safety, signal, thing, turn, turn signal
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

0

2 months ago

day, every, every day, humor, i, impossible, lifestyle, nothing, people, procrastination
It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

0

2 months ago

amazing, birthday, celebration, dentist, family, feel, friends, humor, love, lovers, smoothie, yoga
I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, apocalypse, bet, destroy, ever, extraterrestrial, gathering, humor, i, information, information gathering, just, self-destruction, speculation, think, us, waiting, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Discord this month:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

12 shares on Slack this month:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

98 shares on Discord this month:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

20 shares on X this month:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I hope this email kills us both.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,656

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Just shared via Threads:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Live now on Slack:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Just landed via Messenger:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Trending via LinkedIn:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not going is the new leaving early.

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