What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

44 shares on YouTube this month:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

10 shares on Instagram this month:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.