When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

49 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.