Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Just landed via YouTube:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Going viral on Telegram:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Going viral on Telegram:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Just landed via YouTube:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Just shared via Twitch:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to figure out God's plot twists is seriously scary! 😱🎬👻

director, favorite, God, horror, horror director

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

2 months ago

40s, adulthood, aging, changes, favorite, humor, life, life changes, peeler, vegetable, welcome
I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

2 months ago

body, body crack, body joke, chiropractor, crack, glow, glow stick, humor, i, joke, playful, relaxation, relief, stick, stress, stress relief, want
One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

2 months ago

building, day, fun, next, pretty, saying, things, young
Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

2 months ago

activity, Christmas, claus, dance, except, fun, fun activity, God, humor, nobody, NSA, privacy, Santa, Santa Claus, watching
Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

2 months ago

care, comedy, ever, frustration, good, humor, interaction, nobody, nobody care, shake, social, social interaction, somebody, whisper
Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

2 months ago

advice, behavior, bite, child, child behavior, Google, humor, kid, kids, marriage, married, parenting, teach, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

86 shares on X this month:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Commenting “AI slop” under pictures of my friends’ kids opening presents.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Live now on YouTube:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Going viral on WeChat:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Going viral on Discord:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Spotted on Twitch:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Making waves on Threads:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨