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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

1 hour ago

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Just landed via Facebook:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Seen just now on Discord:

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Going viral on WeChat:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Just landed via TikTok:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Making waves on Facebook:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Spotted on Reddit:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

6 months ago

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

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Commentary:
"Seriously, the power of the tiny hammer should not be underestimated! ⚖️🔨 I mean, imagine being able to silence noisy colleagues with a bang – productivity levels would skyrocket! 🔇💥 Who knew a little tool could hold so much power in the workplace? 🤣 #TinyHammerBoss"

bang, courtroom, every, hammer, humor, job, judge, little, only, people, shut, shut up, silence, where, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

1 hour ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Reported on Reddit:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Trending via Threads:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

Reported on Slack:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Making waves on Discord:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Spotted on Reddit:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Going viral on X:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Live now on Pinterest:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

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