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Commentary:
"Plot twist: FBI agents reading through writers' search histories must have quite the rollercoaster of emotions 🕵️‍♂️📚💻. 'Just researching for the next bestseller, we swear!' #AuthorsUnderSurveillance"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

1 month ago
accomplish, apps, communication, contact, dating, frustration, hours, humor, i, ID, nothing, relationship, someone, support, talk, tech, thanks, wanted
It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

1 month ago
cold, gangster, humor, i, outside, pants, pull, saw, stiff, walk, winter
Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

2 months ago
anything, data, data sale, data tracking, email, email spam, internet, internet security, know, middle, middle name, name, online, online signup, privacy, pro, pro-tip, put, sale, security, sign, signup, sold, spam, tip, tracking, website, website name, websites
If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

1 month ago
balance, humor, humorous, ID, job, me, money, nap, procrastination, professional, relaxation, sleep, whole, work life, work-life balance
Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

4 months ago
80s, being, Chinese, Chinese takeout, convinced, eating, grown up, humor, late, main, me, movy, nostalgia, office, stay, stay late, staying, takeout, work
Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

1 month ago
case, date, deleted, famous, famous woman, fans, humor, i, just, media, old, privacy, rabid, relationship, social, social media, Tweets, woman

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Going viral on Slack:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Spotted on Facebook:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

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Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

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Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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